ace up your sleeve

WorldPride, London 2012

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 10:00:31 -0400

WorldPride, London 2012

deathlyillandalwaysbusy: hammolou: Ninny at Worldpride Oh...

Sat, 27 Oct 2012 10:00:37 -0400

deathlyillandalwaysbusy:

hammolou:

Ninny at Worldpride

Oh cool, Ace pride!!

redbeardace: I’m asexual and I exist. Do you?

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 03:17:04 -0400

redbeardace:

I’m asexual and I exist.

Do you?

baby-bluesedan: i’ve been meaning to hype this zine for a while...

Thu, 04 Oct 2012 09:57:07 -0400

baby-bluesedan:

i’ve been meaning to hype this zine for a while now. if there’s anything you wanna know about asexuality, it’s probably touched on in here! it is part of the tiny zine library (which is basically just a few of the zines i own, deliberately placed on the living room book shelf) i’m trying to build in our house. up the informative zines. hans showed this to me and it made me excited that they wanted to learn about this umbrella i identify under because everyone else is just sort of confused or doesn’t care/invalidates it.

pdf for free looking/printing is here/etsy to buy it is here!

asexuel: Asexuals resting during Stockholm Pride Parade 2012

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 01:55:34 -0400

asexuel:

Asexuals resting during Stockholm Pride Parade 2012

acwhiteart: Final version of the banner I submitted for the...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 02:59:42 -0400

acwhiteart:

Final version of the banner I submitted for the AVEN WorldPride banner contest.

Now with 75% better readability of what it’s representing!

Progress

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 00:12:06 -0400

greenchestnuts:

This is a post I conceived of a while back but never got around to making.

Asexuality has existed as a cohesive and community-based identity for about 12 years, largely centered around the Internet to bring together scattered individuals. In those twelve years, aces have gotten a documentary as well as a textbook (which I hope will be good!) and a number of papers. Asexuality has been covered in The Atlantic, The Guardian, and the BBC, as well as on some fairly large feminist blogs. Aces have marched in pride parades and participated at MBLGTACC and the Creating Change Conference. Aces have liaised with the Trevor Project, a suicide prevention hotline, to help them acquire asexuality-related materials. Aces have met up dozens or hundreds of times around the world, including an annual weekend in England. A number of cities, and university campuses, have local asexuality groups.

Not bad for 12 years. Something to think about when you encounter negativity.

Media imagery of asexuality

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 20:34:00 -0400

background images from articles in Nerve, Marie Claire, and Folha.

There’s been a recent discussion about the cover of a potential asexual romance anthology, The Heart of Aces. Everything has already been said, but it reminded me of something else that I wanted to do. So here’s an analysis of the imagery that the media considers appropriate to accompany articles about asexuality, because they seem to fall into a few camps, and maybe I can learn something from this. I’ll link the articles, but this isn’t a critique of what they wrote; I’m interested in the types of visuals they use. And after each category I’m going to make a comment on what I think I learned about asexuality from the image and (for the asexually-uninformed) why I feel it does or doesn’t work, in the unlikely event that there are people who are madly Googling right now to try to find inspiration for the kind of photos to accompany their asexuality media piece.

For those of you who are more visually inclined, I have made an easy to use rating system on how these visual representations make this individual ace feel, because otherwise someone confused is going to come along and miss the bloody point:

Analysis below the cut.

The plastic or ‘sexless’ people camp:

This is the silliest camp because I picture the media throwing up their hands and saying “we don’t have a damn clue as to what kind of visual is appropriate here. No sex?! Try a plastic person, they don’t have sex. Or a Kewpie doll! No sex then!”. This is a shockingly popular category all things told.

What I learned: Asexual people have no sexual parts.

Why plastic dolls don’t work: These images are irrelevant! I didn’t come in a box with plastic underwear permanently attached to my body. That should be ‘enough said’, but I’ve heard of sexuality textbooks that spread the misconception that asexuality means being born without sexual organs, so please don’t encourage this misunderstanding to propagate any further. If you are surprised by this assertion, here are some sites about asexuality. Go read them instead, you have some learning to do.

The bottom line: these are WTF calibre, if you have to use a plastic doll to represent a sexual minority, you are better off with no image.

~~~~

The stock photo couple camp: these ones deserve their own comments. Some of these are what I call ‘indifferent stock couples’ and some are ‘stay-well-apart stock couples’ but I’ll leave it to you to decide which are which.

The hipster turns down some perfectly good Valentines Day chocolate image or as Google’s reverse image search more eloquently puts it “rejecting someone” image. Also featured on “How to Reject a Would-Be Valentine with Flair”, “i asked out my crush and he said “yes”… as a joke”, “Is He a Heartbreaker?”, and “Do you feel like a failure at love?”.

What I learned: aces reject your lovin’ and/or chocolate.

It’s the “Feet of one couple in bed. Separation and divorce” image! Commonly seen with writings on erectile dysfunction and other sexual problems.

What I learned: asexual couples fail to purchase sheets that are long enough for their beds.

Shutterstock titles this photo “The unhappy young woman with a headache and her joyful husband watching TV lie in bed. The family conflict.” At first glance he doesn’t look too joyful, but I assure you, that is actually how an asexual person smiles.

What I learned: asexuality is due to chronic ~~headaches~~ headbands.

It’s “young couple smiling at each other by water”! They touch intimately with the tips of their elbows. This stock photo is also available in colour but I wouldn’t know that because as an asexual, I only see in grey scale. At least they look pretty happy. Maybe it’s because they have an infinity pool.

What I learned: despite our colourless lifestyles, asexuals manage to grin and bear it.

Shutterstock explains: “Portrait of unhappy young man sitting seperately while his wife sleeping on bed” [sic]. Also seen on “4 Signs You’re Using Sex as a Weapon” and various articles about premature ejaculation.

What I learned: I’m starting to suspect that sheet couple and headache couple are losing all the sheets to this guy’s wife. She must be the only one getting a good sleep around here.

Finally here’s a pretty happy stock couple! They dress to match, hold hands, and stand as far apart as is reasonable without straining their arms.

What I learned: Distance and colour-coordination is key to asexual relationship harmony. Not bad, just don’t get any closer!

Here’s a couple gazing apprehensively at each other across the void between their twin beds in twee domestic ‘bliss’.

What I learned: asexual couples live in the 1950s and draw on a bland colour palette for their dress and decor.

Why indifferent or stay-well-apart stock photo couples don’t work: asexual people aren’t generally passionless about life, and we don’t spend all our time on white duvets moping about the sex we’re supposedly not having. If you are thinking about using a photo that is usually used for divorce or sexual dysfunction articles on a basic ‘Asexuality Exists’ article, try giving a little more thought to why that might be problematic. The other reading of a lot of these photos is that only one person in each couple is asexual, and that this is making their relationship one that is not worth having, which is not a lovely implication for asexuals and their partners. An asexual person may be as much into intimacy as the next person, and they may or may not have sex. And of course, aromantic spectrum asexuals are rather erased by these romantic couple-focused images, and all of these images present as heteronormative, when for the asexual community, that just ain’t so. Someone cleverer than me could write reams on this.

The bottom line: please don’t project your expectations onto our relationships.

~~~~

The sad grey ladies camp:

This is an emerging camp - I don’t think it is actually a camp yet, and it may not make it as one. Be on the lookout to see if this fledgling category goes anywhere. Grey lady one has a stucco wall to caress. Grey lady two has no such wall, so she is sadder.

What I learned: asexual people are ethereal, wan, and nude.

Why sad grey ladies don’t work: actually, personally I’m pretty wan. You’ve got me there.

The bottom line: this has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.

~~~~

So how does The Heart of Aces rank?

I would say that’s an indifferent stock photo couple and a sad grey ladies mash-up. We have the white duvet, distance hand-holding, and matching apparel of the stock couples, with the wanness, exposed skin, and malaise of the grey ladies. You could make an argument for the plastic people too; they are a bit stiff and surprisingly sexy-desexualized for people in lingerie.

~~~~

Saved the best for last, the photos of asexual people camp:

Now, this is my favourite camp because it exists within the realm of reality and keeps white bed linens to a minimum. We have ace couples, mixed orientation relationships, aromantic asexuals, homoromantics, and so on. There was concern about something for that Heart of Aces cover, and I want to note an issue here. I watched for media pieces with asexual POC represented in the photos. This was not an active process of ‘find white people’ – I really had difficulty finding POC representation. Siggy has a post on this and there is a tumblr here.

What I learned: I think the media has trouble depicting asexuality because if you have a picture of an asexual person, that is simply a picture of a person, and that probably isn’t strange enough. They also may not have easy access to photos of actual asexual people, though I think that’s no excuse for using something irrelevant.

Why this still works: it’s very simple. Asexual people are real people.

asexual-not-a-sexual: You can also listen to this while looking...

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 23:32:04 -0400

asexual-not-a-sexual:

You can also listen to this while looking at this. (Have fun getting THAT outta your head.)

themasterdances: I don’t see much demisexual related art out...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 18:35:20 -0400

themasterdances:

I don’t see much demisexual related art out there, so I thought I’d make a little something for myself. <3

pearlsfromthewest: I’m really happy to announce that Trevor...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 02:35:37 -0400

pearlsfromthewest:

I’m really happy to announce that Trevor Project will be including some training materials about asexuality and asexual issues for their staff and volunteers. The Trevor Project offers 24 hour 7 day a week telephone counseling services to youth who are struggling with crisis and thoughts of suicide. In addition they have an online anonymous advice message system for non-crisis issues surrounding gender and sexual identity. The staff and volunteers who provide advice and support will now have access to and training on ace positive information.

This is huge and is great inclusion by the Trevor Project! Suicide prevention among youth of all gender and sexual minorities and the other work that Trevor Project does is critical. Suicide has touched many of us in some way. Now there is a place for ace, grey-a, aromantic, and demisexual people to seek help when they are in crisis. The Trevor Project crisis line is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-866-488-7386.

Now is the time to spread this information across our community so that everyone knows. I’ve attached a few graphics: two purple Trevor Project logos and a two of their own graphics. Note: Trevor’s logo color is primarily orange; I made purple graphics instead of orange/purple ones for color clashing reasons.

If you have a blog, website, tumblr, or other web presence, you can use these graphics to spread the word. I know that we can get this information across our community very quickly and let everyone know that there is help and hope when they feel alone. If you have a blog or tumblr, please write about this to spread the word. I’m also adding the info to my AVEN signature and my Facebook page.

The materials that were created for Trevor Project’s training manual are available here. Originally I intended to have them be produced via a community project but I wasn’t able to get that together in time (I’m sorry :( ). Producing more documents like this one is a goal of mine over the summer, so anyone who is interested in that should send me a message. If you would like to thank the Trevor Project, I suggest using their Facebook page or their Twitter feed (I don’t think they have a Tumblr, but maybe I’m wrong…).

woodlandmarchingband: You’re welcome.

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 18:38:06 -0400

woodlandmarchingband:

You’re welcome.

An asexy neon sign flickers outside a bar downtown? Okay, I...

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 22:52:00 -0400

An asexy neon sign flickers outside a bar downtown?

Okay, I usually just post pictures, and this one’s a little odd and a lot long, but hear me out. I can’t get my thoughts together and I need opinions that aren’t mine.

I have some quotes:

“It wouldn’t surprise me to see a rash of asexual non-dating bars opening on the First Avenue and the waterfront in the near future – places where people of different asexual persuasions stare at each other and keep their rocks on.”
’Asexuality: Everybody’s Not Doing It’
Arthur Bell, January 25, 1978, the Village Voice

“Not long ago a man told me of a woman who went to an “asexual bar” to pick up men because she could be sure there was no risk of any human involvement. I thought he was joking, but now it seems entirely probable that “asexual bars” will sprout in cities to accomodate the growing demand for places where people who want to be alone can do so with people like themselves.”
’A Nation Drifts Into Loneliness’
‎Russell Baker, May 13, 1978, New York Times

“Q- I suppose you A’s tend to hang around together?
A- Naturally. There’s hardly a community in the land these days that doesn’t have its A restaurants, A bars and A motels.
Q- And what do you do in these places?
A- Eat, drink and sleep.”
’Asexual Militancy’
Art Hoppe, November 10, 1979, Spokane Daily Chronicle

“it was abroad, probably 44th Street in New York, the bar for asexuals, to which one of Zachler’s secretaries had dragged me since at that time it was brand new and you just had to have seen it — men and women who somehow had it behind them and were sociably relaxing from each other. It was already a favourite meeting-place and the room was full to bursting.”
Rumour
Botho Strauß, 1980 (translated from German by Michael Hulse: Tumult, 1984)

“With the Herpes Holocaust under way, “asexual” bars are popular. Here you can pick up partner who wants a platonic relationship. (From the eyebrows up.) Suitable topics of conversation include your cholesterol level, clitoral alienation, cat collection, earlobe droop, ego income and repressed hostility.”
’They All Say It - If Only They Meant It’
‎Kathy Lette, January 21, 1983, Sydney Morning Herald

What do these quotes have in common? They are all from the 70s-80s and they all reference/satirize the idea of a bar for asexual people. And they are all - with the exception of the fictional interview by Art Hoppe which does not focus on any one location - place these bars in New York City. This includes the one from the Sydney Morning Herald, which is an article about visiting NYC, and the one in a German novel, which is just a casual mention in case you were adding it to your reading list.

I’ll level with you. I don’t actually believe there was an asexual bar in New York in the late seventies, and I will not believe otherwise unless presented with some pretty strong evidence. The present asexual identity didn’t really exist then, so we’d be talking about something a little foreign to us anyway. Who knows why all these different people honed in on this idea at this time? Did one of them inspire all the others, or was the timing somehow right? The sexual revolution was in full swing… and the AIDS epidemic wasn’t recognized until 1981. (I bring up the threat of AIDS because it does come up in the context of choosing celibacy, and celibacy by choice has often been conflated with asexuality, especially in a pre-asexual identity world, although you can be one, the other, or both (or obviously neither). The “Herpes Holocaust” mentioned above has this same trend, as the 70-80s was a time when herpes became more widely spread and stigmatized. Diseases have a significant cultural impact.)

Is it possible that there was a bar in New York for people who didn’t want to be picked up by other people? I don’t see why not, but that doesn’t make it an asexual bar per se. Closer to the Diogenes Club, really. Well not really really, I just wanted to say that. But you get my meaning: some asexual people date, cuddle, have sex, and so on, so a “non-dating bar” isn’t accurately an ace bar.

My question is, is it so ludicrous, an asexual bar? I mean, I get it, “oh ha ha, the repressed virgins are going to get together and talk about their cats”, well done, truly the pinnacle of humour, but that isn’t what I’m talking about. Forget the 1% numbers game for a moment, and look at it from a theoretical point of view. I think I would like bars more if I wasn’t likely to be hit on with intent, but that is probably more the quirky aromantic in me talking. Because. Shit. Does this make me terrible? I like those dynamic-chemistry-battle-of-wits moments, but I guess this is read as flirting and I loathe leading people on. So I generally don’t ‘flirt’ at all, I’m quite cagey, and I need a better strategy than avoiding the issue.

That and the fact that it doesn’t take someone exactly like me to want to go to a bar or a club or a pub to just be social without taking it further. There are lots of people who like to do this for assorted reasons; aceness isn’t the only factor here. I’m not looking to hang out with aces only, I just dream of any sort of space where my orientation isn’t virtually unknown or misunderstood.

Anyway, I’ll leave you with this last quote because it is flamingly ace, and New York is clearly the heart of the asexual empire:

“When my studies took me to New York, I got more involved with the asexual community there. I posted messages on their website and there were regular meet-ups in a little pink tea shop in the East Village - I guess you could call it the asexual equivalent of a gay bar.”
’We’re married, we just don’t have sex’
Paul Cox, September 8, 2008, The Guardian

So tell me: would an asexual bar or café or tea shop mean anything to you, or are things good for you the way they are?

hawkelf: Why yes, yes I did crochet myself a truly awesome ace...

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 22:12:58 -0500

hawkelf:

Why yes, yes I did crochet myself a truly awesome ace pride hat. It is wool and warm and now my best and most versatile hat. It can be all the sizes I could possibly need. Such as the size to fit over my bunned mohawk without looking like I have a mutant lump, as seen here.

Here’s the pattern I used, for anyone interested.

redbeardace: nethdugan: nethdugan: I have a photo of me wearing it in my home town’s Pride, and...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:25:01 -0500

redbeardace:

nethdugan:

nethdugan:

I have a photo of me wearing it in my home town’s Pride, and also of it in London Pride. I’m also the one who first put the flag up on wiki I think, unless someone else did and it was taken down real fast.

I mean, honestly, this is OUR flag, surely we’re the ones who get to say if it’s a real thing or not, not some moderator who doesn’t know cake from pie.

I know I’m reblogging myself but…. I fixed it. I get their point about relying on online references, and not just for the flag, so I just…. well. Hopefully it’ll stay up this time, referenced some of the links above along with some of the original ones and a couple new ones.

But, um, our flag is back up on our wiki page! As it should be cause it’s our own bloody flag.

They keep taking out all the references, then saying “Citation Needed”. GRRR. It hurts my head. Anyone writing an article or a book on this topic will be using those very blogs and forum posts as the source of their information. So, if they’re inaccurate, then the book will be inaccurate, too.

On the other hand, if I ever do get around to writing a book on asexuality, I know for certain that it will include a section on the flag.

EDIT: I went ahead and wrote that post earlier than I planned. Feel free to try to use it as a source: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/the-asexuality-flag/

Yesss. Thanks so much to both of you. Here’s hoping it isn’t taken down as there is an aversion to original research on Wikipedia, and I’ve been looking for ‘reliable’ sources (the news is always dead reliable, as you know) that describe the flag but so far no dice, so having the Archive page is good.

subtlefire: redbeardace: subtlefire: aceupyoursleeve: [snip] Signal boost. Anyone? I have to say,...

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 04:34:30 -0500

subtlefire:

redbeardace:

subtlefire:

aceupyoursleeve:

[snip]

Signal boost. Anyone?

I have to say, that first Stockholm photo is the pride image in my head, the one that sticks with me. This person, so happy and free and themselves, celebrating themself and life and the whole amazing world. It’s quite perfect.

True, however, I don’t think that picture should be used as an example on Wikipedia unless someone can identify that person and get their permission. To find out one day that you’re the Wikipedia Face of Asexuality and you didn’t even know someone took your picture… That would be a bit jarring.

Oh, definitely! In fact, I don’t think that’s the best one of the group for Wikipedia purposes. It doesn’t show the flag well at all. It’s more “Happy Person with Flag in Background”. I’ve seen the person (either on Tumblr or AVEN) say “Hey that’s me, woo!” or something similar so they know the pic is out there, but something with the flag more front-and-center would be best for proving that it exists in the real world.

In other words, I should have been more clear that the photo means a lot to me but wasn’t particularly my vote for Representative Wiki Pic.

The reason I pulled up all those photos is that it is important to have evidence to show that it isn’t just some internet meme. I have mostly Creative Commons ones because I don’t want to push something that was only on a personal blog, in case it was supposed to stay personal. I’ve no idea how using pictures of living people on Wikipedia works, and I definitely think it is important to respect the individuals in the photographs (I agree that photo from Stockholm is gorgeous though, and very meaningful). Siggy has the best photo I know of which shows the flag flying alone, and he gave me permission to post it back when I did, so it might be possible he’d be willing to upload it to the Commons. That or Southpaw’s works for just showing the flag on its own, or even the .svg which was up before. The main thing is demonstrating its significance, that the flag is a widely adopted symbol.

redbeardace: aceupyoursleeve: [snip] Yeah, I know. It was removed because it was “based entirely...

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 04:33:58 -0500

redbeardace:

aceupyoursleeve:

[snip]

Yeah, I know. It was removed because it was “based entirely on web forums”. Seriously? At this point, the entire asexual community is pretty much “based entirely on web forums”, and the flag is one of the primary ways that we’re starting to move beyond that. I’ve started writing a brief post about the ace flag over at Asexuality Archive, talking about the history, symbolism, and use, and so on. Hopefully, that will be able to satisfy their requirement for a source.

However, the post will have to wait for a few weeks, because I’d really like to include a picture of an ace flag bumper sticker on the back of my car, and I only just ordered one today…

I think this brings up another issue I’ve been thinking about lately: People who go into the world with their flags don’t seem to be posting pictures of them. Most of the pictures of the ace flag seem to be hiding in the background of some other picture. Come on, fellow aces, show us your flags!

(BTW, anyone happen to have an advance copy or insight into the Bogaert book coming out next month? Perhaps that mentions the flag…?)

(Bolding mine). That is exactly what I mean. For me presently, the community is available only through “web forums” and that doesn’t make it less important, but I can see there is an increase in having more of an offline presence, and it is really exciting; there are ace talks at conferences now, ace research spotlights, and more ace groups.

I wish I knew more about the Bogaert book, all I know is that it is in the works and that I want it. Your Asexuality Archive is a fantastic idea, the only problematic thing is the editors at Wikipedia may call it a primary source, and even though that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I know there is stickiness about it (then again, it may not be a problem, this is the citation for the bisexual flag, and it’s written by the person who created it). At the same time I’m going “for goodness sake, there is a flag, it clearly exists, here it is” and it’s possible if someone throws all these parades at them, and goes ahead and does it, no one will say no.

Anyone involved in Wikipedia who is familiar with Wikietiquette?...

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 21:51:36 -0500

Anyone involved in Wikipedia who is familiar with Wikietiquette? Because long standing editors are more likely to be taken seriously than single purpose accounts, and I don’t have an account at all.

Here’s the story: back in December 2011 someone removed the flag from the ‘Asexuality’ Wikipedia article because it apparently “was based entirely on web forums”. However, it has been used internationally in pride parades, and I have links to Creative Commons photographs depicting it. This photo is SF pride 2011 and is CC, these photos are Stockholm Pride 2011 and is CC, this photo is Toronto 2011 and is CC.

This photo is Manchester 2011 and unfortunately is not CC, nor is the photograph above which is from Belgrade 2010 and which I seriously want some more background on than the information I can get from the news reports, so if you know something personally please drop me a line.

To my knowledge, no one has reported on the asexual flag directly in the news and such, nor have they written a book on it, because that is the way things roll. There is (A)sexual which apparently featured the flag, but I haven’t seen it, and I don’t know about citing a documentary. Here is a Vice magazine article on London Pride 2011 with a photograph that has the asexual flag (not CC).

I have no status on Wikipedia, would someone who does please consider helping? I think the asexual flag, symbolism explained here, is an important symbol of the online and offline presence of the asexual community.

image source: teshiron on flickr Asexual contingent at the San...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 16:08:22 -0500

image source: teshiron on flickr

Asexual contingent at the San Francisco pride parade, 2011.

These sweethearts always remind me of eating chalk, which...

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:41:55 -0500

These sweethearts always remind me of eating chalk, which isn’t thrilling for me, but I respect that some people like them, and perhaps they are getting something out of them that I’m missing. Cinnamon hearts, while exciting, tend to scald my mouth with their sugary fieriness; my sense of taste is just too sensitive for them. I very much prefer all the discounted chocolate that is around at this time of year, but only if it has high cocoa content, because I like it to be more bitter, not too milky and sweet. Sweets aren’t for everyone! People have different tastes, different things that make them happy, and that’s all fine. In fact, it’s awesome. Same goes for relationships, whatever flavour they might be, whomever they are with. It took me a while to realize that I can celebrate whatever kind of love I damn well please on the 14th, and that is exactly what I am doing.